in 2022, I had just moved out, and figuring out living alone in a new city.
One night, 10pm, a close friend said something that cracked me open: “How long are you planning to sit around, waiting for opportunities to find you?”
It hit. A 40-minute conversation later, I got called out exactly the way I needed.
That’s when I realized: It’s time to stop waiting. It’s time to take control.
I still remember, my notes looked like a watchlist. I used to track the people and companies I dreamed of working with.
It didn’t make sense for a long time. But over hundreds of cold DMs later (and mostly getting ignored), here’s what I really learned (the part no one prepares you for.)
No one owes you anything.
Not a reply. Not a read. Not their time.
The faster you let go of the “they should care” expectation, the lighter you move. And the better you play the game: No one owes me anything, so I better make it worth their while.
Energy > Words.
People can feel it.
When you’re reaching from excitement vs. when you’re just copy-pasting. Even a three-line DM carries energy. Be real. Be specific. It’ll get you further than any “perfect” script.
Clever is forgettable. Clear is memorable.
I wasted hours “trying” to sound smart.
What worked? Simple respect. “Hey, I admire what you’re building. Here’s how I can help you build something even bigger.”
You feel rejection way bigger than it actually is.
Someone not replying isn’t them thinking you’re a failure. It’s them being busy. It’s life moving.
Rejection isn’t a dead-end. It’s a redirection. Keep moving.
Volume > Overthinking.
You can’t predict who says yes. You can only increase your surface area of luck.
Craft → Send → Move. (not craft → doubt → hesitate → freeze.)
High volume. High quality. It takes at least 30 days of locking in to hit momentum.
Follow-up is what separates noise from real connection.
Polite, spaced-out follow-ups, where you add a little more context or value — that’s where real conversations start.
First messages open a door. Follow-ups show you actually care.
The real win is you.
Sending cold DMs isn’t about who replies.
It’s about who you become — the person willing to reach without guarantees.
The patience you build. The presence you sharpen. The resilience you grow.
Books can’t teach you that. Only doing it can.
Closing on this note
Every time you press “send,” you’re not just reaching out to someone.
You’re reaching forward into the person you’re becoming. And that always is worth it.
One cold email didn’t land me a job. But it did land me a great friend. That’s a win in my book.
Cold emails teach you persistence. They teach you to show up even when there’s no guarantee.
Just remember: Be respectful of their time. Send something worth opening because they probably have ten other emails waiting for a reply.
— Kanishka
see you next Tuesday!